I work for the Self Advocacy Association of WNY/AmeriCorps. It will be my third year working for this organization in January 2011. I work with a group of people who have developmental disabilities and some who are non-disabled. Working together as much as we do we have also become friends with one another. There are a few who have become my best friends. There are around eighteen people with eighteen different personalities in the office on any given day. Most of the time we all get along and we work very well together. However, from time to time, we have our disagreements. Yesterday was one of those days.
A friend and I had a slight disagreement and because of this my other friend and I had a disagreement. My first friend did not clean up his mess on the table. So, my other friend cleaned it up for him. It really irritated me, especially when she cleaned it up for him. My Friend, who cleaned it up asked "Gwen, What is the big deal? It is just easier if I do it, then to ask him to." and I answered "It makes me angry because he does this all the time. He has two good hands and he can do things for himself." I get that because of his disability there are things he cannot do but this is one thing he can do for himself but because he grew up with parents who did a lot for him he takes it for granted that because we are friends I will do the same. As usual my one friend and I talked, or should I say I mostly listened to her point of view. I am a bit older than she is and I think there are times, because of the age difference, that she is not open to my ideas, what I believe and doesn't always get or care how I am feeling. As usual, to keep the peace, I let it drop. Everything went okay for the rest of the day except for the fact that the disagreements bothered me once I came home.
I finally figured out what the heck "the big deal" over the mess was. It is the fact that I feel that my friends (and at times myself included) take our independence and capabilities for granted. For myself, being independent means being able to do things for myself. I like to refer to myself as being "handy-capable." Once in awhile I need a little hand but that does not mean that I am not capable of doing things or that I can not take care of myself.
A few of my co-workers/friends are totally dependent on others, due to there severe physical disabilities. They need to be fed, dressed, bathed, have their hair combed and teeth brushed, etc by others. My friends who need more help have the greatest outlook on life. They do not feel sorry for themselves and they are always there whenever the team or I, personally, need them. I often wonder to myself how I would feel if I were placed in their bodies. Would I be thinking "I wish I were able to clean up after myself or I wish I could hug someone back when they hug me."
As I was saying, sometimes people with or without disabilities take things for granted. I think sometimes we forget that there are people who do not have food, clothing, a place to live, people who have no one to love or who love them back, or like some of my friends, can not use their arms or legs. For example, my one friend Charles is paralyzed. He can not use his arms or legs. Yet, he has three jobs and is a very intelligent man. He is also very caring and giving and would do anything for anyone. One of his greatest assets is he is able to paint with his mouth. Being able to use my arms and hands is something I take for granted everyday. I haven't been forced to think of another way to paint.
Right now there are wars going on in several different countries and until the 2001 terrorists attacks I never dreamed anything like that would happen in the United States. I believed our country was safe from terrorists. As a birthday present I went to New York City three weeks before the attacks happened. I got to see the beautiful view from the 110th floor of the twin towers. After the attacks I read about a woman who was trapped in one of the towers on the 65th floor. Like me, she uses a wheelchair. She was trapped and unable to save herself. Two men who came upon her on their way out of the tower carried her down 65 floors to safety. As I read this story, then heard it on the Telethon, hosted by celebrities who were trying to raise money for the families of the victims, I realized that the woman trapped in the towers could easily have been me. I actually felt guilty at one point because I was home safe and with the people I loved.
I think what I am trying to say is we should thank GOD everyday, do the best we can with what life has given us, never forget to tell those you love how much they mean to you and never ever take anything or anyone for granted because your life can change in an instant!
I leave you with these words; “Reflect upon your present blessings, of which every man has plenty; not on your past misfortunes, of which all men have some.” ~ Charles Dickens
Thursday, December 30, 2010
I've Been Thinking
What Has Been On My Mind:
I have had a lot of things on my mind lately because of my home and work life and have had moments when I have come off as being irritable, moody and most likely, a little bratty! After talking out one of my frustrations with my friend, who believed I was upset with her, it was one less thing I brought home with me and did not have to feel frustrated with, hurt by or upset with anymore!
I know I will continue to have struggles and frustrations throughout my life physically (I have a developmental disability), personally and professionally. However, once I stopped to think about how much it upset my friend to think that I was upset with her it put things into perspective! I guess because she is also my supervisor I took it for granted that if I became upset with her it wouldn't matter to her. I have had supervisors in the past who have said "Go ahead, be mad at me, I don't care because in the end you are just someone who works for me and if you don't like the way I supervise, you can always quit, if I don't fire you because of your attitude first." I learned then to be leery of how much I share with my former supervisors and to never completely trust them because they think of the people who work for them as not being as good as they are! So, I was being very selfish and only focusing on what was frustrating, upsetting or hurting me.
I realized I hurt my friend because of the way I was behaving. I wasn't yelling or screaming or complaining. I was being rather quiet, which if you asked any one in my family, my friends or colleagues, they would tell you it is not at all like me to be so quiet. I admit it in writing, I am a chatterbox and usually you cannot shut me up, LOL! Anyway, I digress, I was taking my frustrations out on her. I don't usually take things out on others or should I say I try very hard not to take things out on others because I know how much it hurts me when the people I love take things out on me. Instead of just talking things out with her I was being stubborn and maybe even behaving like an egotistical brat!
As I sit her writing down my thoughts about today's events I realize that my friend isn't just my friend, I have come to consider her one of my best friends, someone I can tell anything to and not have to worry about being judged or thought less of. Sometimes it can be very difficult to balance the fine line between us because she is also my supervisor. I always try to remember; When we are at work - she is my supervisor. When we are not at work and just hanging out at a party or going to a friend's house for dinner or it's just us two talking about everything and anything - she is someone I love and she is one of my best friends. I believe my life would not be as colorful, far more worse off and definitely not as worthwhile if she wasn't in it.
Other things I Noticed This Week
The other day I overheard one woman having a conversation with her friend. They were talking about another friend/colleague and called her a slut and a whore. These words really bother me because, to me, they are so judgemental, disrespectful and hurtful! As far as I am concerned; these words are just as hurtful as the words retard and nigger!! They were calling her these name because of the way she lives her life.
I started thinking (Yes, I realize this could be dangerous, LOL!):
What if the woman, they were calling these names was abused as a child and did not have a great role model for a parent. Maybe this is the only way for the woman to get the love she may be needing because no one has ever shown her what it means to be loved unconditionally! These women were being so mean and judgemental that it really made me angry! Not knowing all the facts before passing judgement on someone can be very damaging and hurtful. I know these women and one of them had a very bad childhood herself and I know for certain that she would be very upset, angry and hurt if others judged her in the same way she was judging her friend/colleague! I did not speak up about it, not because I agreed with them or because I was afraid. I didn't say anything because I knew that when I am really angry I say things, that can hurt others, before I stop and think about what I am about to do or say!
Here Is My Solution:
The next time you decide to call others a nasty name and criticise their behavior; Stop for a second and think about how it would make you feel and how it would effect your self-worth If others were calling you these names and making a judgement about you before really getting to know you and all that has happened during your life time. I can not stand and I do not believe in the saying "Sometimes, you have to be cruel to be kind." I believe this saying was thought up by someone who did not care about others and how words and actions can really hurt and scar someone for life!
Words To Live By:
There are quotes and words and poems that I have grown to love because of the sentiment they express. When I was growing up there was a song I would listen to and sing to myself over and over again. It was a song by Country/Christian singer - Christy Lane and the chorus part contained these words. "You've got to try a little kindness, show a little kindness. Just shine your light for everyone to see! And if you try a little kindness then you'll over look the blindness, of the narrow minded people on their narrow minded streets!
Until Next Time I leave You With These Words: "The world stands out from side to side, no wider than the heart is wide. Above the world that stretched the sky, no higher than the soul is high" - PEACE
I have had a lot of things on my mind lately because of my home and work life and have had moments when I have come off as being irritable, moody and most likely, a little bratty! After talking out one of my frustrations with my friend, who believed I was upset with her, it was one less thing I brought home with me and did not have to feel frustrated with, hurt by or upset with anymore!
I know I will continue to have struggles and frustrations throughout my life physically (I have a developmental disability), personally and professionally. However, once I stopped to think about how much it upset my friend to think that I was upset with her it put things into perspective! I guess because she is also my supervisor I took it for granted that if I became upset with her it wouldn't matter to her. I have had supervisors in the past who have said "Go ahead, be mad at me, I don't care because in the end you are just someone who works for me and if you don't like the way I supervise, you can always quit, if I don't fire you because of your attitude first." I learned then to be leery of how much I share with my former supervisors and to never completely trust them because they think of the people who work for them as not being as good as they are! So, I was being very selfish and only focusing on what was frustrating, upsetting or hurting me.
I realized I hurt my friend because of the way I was behaving. I wasn't yelling or screaming or complaining. I was being rather quiet, which if you asked any one in my family, my friends or colleagues, they would tell you it is not at all like me to be so quiet. I admit it in writing, I am a chatterbox and usually you cannot shut me up, LOL! Anyway, I digress, I was taking my frustrations out on her. I don't usually take things out on others or should I say I try very hard not to take things out on others because I know how much it hurts me when the people I love take things out on me. Instead of just talking things out with her I was being stubborn and maybe even behaving like an egotistical brat!
As I sit her writing down my thoughts about today's events I realize that my friend isn't just my friend, I have come to consider her one of my best friends, someone I can tell anything to and not have to worry about being judged or thought less of. Sometimes it can be very difficult to balance the fine line between us because she is also my supervisor. I always try to remember; When we are at work - she is my supervisor. When we are not at work and just hanging out at a party or going to a friend's house for dinner or it's just us two talking about everything and anything - she is someone I love and she is one of my best friends. I believe my life would not be as colorful, far more worse off and definitely not as worthwhile if she wasn't in it.
Other things I Noticed This Week
The other day I overheard one woman having a conversation with her friend. They were talking about another friend/colleague and called her a slut and a whore. These words really bother me because, to me, they are so judgemental, disrespectful and hurtful! As far as I am concerned; these words are just as hurtful as the words retard and nigger!! They were calling her these name because of the way she lives her life.
I started thinking (Yes, I realize this could be dangerous, LOL!):
What if the woman, they were calling these names was abused as a child and did not have a great role model for a parent. Maybe this is the only way for the woman to get the love she may be needing because no one has ever shown her what it means to be loved unconditionally! These women were being so mean and judgemental that it really made me angry! Not knowing all the facts before passing judgement on someone can be very damaging and hurtful. I know these women and one of them had a very bad childhood herself and I know for certain that she would be very upset, angry and hurt if others judged her in the same way she was judging her friend/colleague! I did not speak up about it, not because I agreed with them or because I was afraid. I didn't say anything because I knew that when I am really angry I say things, that can hurt others, before I stop and think about what I am about to do or say!
Here Is My Solution:
The next time you decide to call others a nasty name and criticise their behavior; Stop for a second and think about how it would make you feel and how it would effect your self-worth If others were calling you these names and making a judgement about you before really getting to know you and all that has happened during your life time. I can not stand and I do not believe in the saying "Sometimes, you have to be cruel to be kind." I believe this saying was thought up by someone who did not care about others and how words and actions can really hurt and scar someone for life!
Words To Live By:
There are quotes and words and poems that I have grown to love because of the sentiment they express. When I was growing up there was a song I would listen to and sing to myself over and over again. It was a song by Country/Christian singer - Christy Lane and the chorus part contained these words. "You've got to try a little kindness, show a little kindness. Just shine your light for everyone to see! And if you try a little kindness then you'll over look the blindness, of the narrow minded people on their narrow minded streets!
Until Next Time I leave You With These Words: "The world stands out from side to side, no wider than the heart is wide. Above the world that stretched the sky, no higher than the soul is high" - PEACE
Subscribe to:
Posts (Atom)