I work for the Self Advocacy Association of WNY/AmeriCorps. It will be my third year working for this organization in January 2011. I work with a group of people who have developmental disabilities and some who are non-disabled. Working together as much as we do we have also become friends with one another. There are a few who have become my best friends. There are around eighteen people with eighteen different personalities in the office on any given day. Most of the time we all get along and we work very well together. However, from time to time, we have our disagreements. Yesterday was one of those days.
A friend and I had a slight disagreement and because of this my other friend and I had a disagreement. My first friend did not clean up his mess on the table. So, my other friend cleaned it up for him. It really irritated me, especially when she cleaned it up for him. My Friend, who cleaned it up asked "Gwen, What is the big deal? It is just easier if I do it, then to ask him to." and I answered "It makes me angry because he does this all the time. He has two good hands and he can do things for himself." I get that because of his disability there are things he cannot do but this is one thing he can do for himself but because he grew up with parents who did a lot for him he takes it for granted that because we are friends I will do the same. As usual my one friend and I talked, or should I say I mostly listened to her point of view. I am a bit older than she is and I think there are times, because of the age difference, that she is not open to my ideas, what I believe and doesn't always get or care how I am feeling. As usual, to keep the peace, I let it drop. Everything went okay for the rest of the day except for the fact that the disagreements bothered me once I came home.
I finally figured out what the heck "the big deal" over the mess was. It is the fact that I feel that my friends (and at times myself included) take our independence and capabilities for granted. For myself, being independent means being able to do things for myself. I like to refer to myself as being "handy-capable." Once in awhile I need a little hand but that does not mean that I am not capable of doing things or that I can not take care of myself.
A few of my co-workers/friends are totally dependent on others, due to there severe physical disabilities. They need to be fed, dressed, bathed, have their hair combed and teeth brushed, etc by others. My friends who need more help have the greatest outlook on life. They do not feel sorry for themselves and they are always there whenever the team or I, personally, need them. I often wonder to myself how I would feel if I were placed in their bodies. Would I be thinking "I wish I were able to clean up after myself or I wish I could hug someone back when they hug me."
As I was saying, sometimes people with or without disabilities take things for granted. I think sometimes we forget that there are people who do not have food, clothing, a place to live, people who have no one to love or who love them back, or like some of my friends, can not use their arms or legs. For example, my one friend Charles is paralyzed. He can not use his arms or legs. Yet, he has three jobs and is a very intelligent man. He is also very caring and giving and would do anything for anyone. One of his greatest assets is he is able to paint with his mouth. Being able to use my arms and hands is something I take for granted everyday. I haven't been forced to think of another way to paint.
Right now there are wars going on in several different countries and until the 2001 terrorists attacks I never dreamed anything like that would happen in the United States. I believed our country was safe from terrorists. As a birthday present I went to New York City three weeks before the attacks happened. I got to see the beautiful view from the 110th floor of the twin towers. After the attacks I read about a woman who was trapped in one of the towers on the 65th floor. Like me, she uses a wheelchair. She was trapped and unable to save herself. Two men who came upon her on their way out of the tower carried her down 65 floors to safety. As I read this story, then heard it on the Telethon, hosted by celebrities who were trying to raise money for the families of the victims, I realized that the woman trapped in the towers could easily have been me. I actually felt guilty at one point because I was home safe and with the people I loved.
I think what I am trying to say is we should thank GOD everyday, do the best we can with what life has given us, never forget to tell those you love how much they mean to you and never ever take anything or anyone for granted because your life can change in an instant!
I leave you with these words; “Reflect upon your present blessings, of which every man has plenty; not on your past misfortunes, of which all men have some.” ~ Charles Dickens
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