Since this is the beginning of a brand new year I thought I would talk about my New Year's resolution(s).
The first resolution is more work related :I am going to try very hard not to be as hard on myself when I make mistakes. Along with this I am also going to try not to always "second guess" myself. Which will not be an easy task for me because I seem to make more mistakes at work, both professionally and personally, than I do at home. When it comes to second guessing myself it is usually because a co-worker or my supervisor does not agree with how I am either saying or doing something. So, I try to please that person instead of remembering you can't please everyone all the time. I have become friends with some of my co-workers and some of these friends I have come to think of as my best friends. So, whenever I make a mistake whether I said or did something I know I shouldn't have or someone is disagree with me either because they are right or because they are taking their bad moods out on me, I feel very bad because I have upset or hurt my friends in some way. I don't know how I will succeed with this resolution but never the less I will try.
My second resolution is this: I am going to try very hard not to let others make me feel inferior to them without my consent. This is an on going battle for me both professionally and personally. I have had former social workers tell me that I would fail at whatever I want to accomplish (i.e. going to college) and at times I believed them. I have had co-workers who have said to a male co-worker they were trying to impress: "I think I am the prettiest woman on our team" Once they saw the look of hurt on my face (because I believed we were becoming friends) then they realized they opened their mouth and inserted their foot. So they tried to "fix it" by saying "I mean you are pretty too, I think all of the woman on our team are." I try to remember that those co-workers were much younger than me and they may be really insecure about themselves so they try to make others feel insecure. It isn't always easy to swallow it and just let it go because, to me, words hurt so much more than a punch or a slap and can leave lasting scars on one's self-esteem! Do I believe that I am pretty - not alt all. I have always known that I was born with plain looks but have always believed that didn't mean I wasn't a good person so I made up for it in this way. I am by no means perfect! I wouldn't want to be because I think my life would be very dull if I were. I know I am not the prettiest, or thinnest, most desirable, sexiest or the smartest woman in my workplace! However, I do try to treat others with respect and dignity and even though sometimes I want to lay into that person for saying some really hurtful things. I don't because then that would make me no better then they are! Besides, I happen to like myself, most of the time, for who I am!
Many years ago a classmate in college gave me this poem and I think after listing my New Year's resolution(s) it is fitting to end my blog entry with it:
You do not need to be loved at the cost of yourself,
The only relationship that is truly central in life,
Is a relationship with yourself.
It is rewarding to find someone you like,
But it is essential to like yourself.
It is quickening to recognize that someone is a good and decent human being,
But it is indispensable to view yourself that way.
It is a delight to find people worthy of respect, admiration and love.
For you cannot live in someone else.
Of all the people you will know in a lifetime, you are the only one you will never lose or leave.
TO THE QUESTION OF YOUR LIFE, YOU ARE THE ANSWER!
TO THE PROBLEMS OF YOUR LIFE, YOU ARE THE SOLUTION!
~ Author Unknown ~
My sweet sister. I beg to differ, you are pretty. (I know that seems biased coming from me). You won't be posing for Playboy LOL, but neither will those people who think "they are all that". You are the most courageous person I know. I have made some whopper mistakes in my career, Thank God no one died from them. I even lost a job because of one. I was ashamed for a long time. Subsequent jobs have helped me overcome that. It was a struggle and took a very long time. It helped make me the person I am today. Words do hurt worse then alot of physical violence. People are petty and nasty. I used to think people out grew that after highschool. Obviously not. I have had so many jobs where I experienced those same things. You have to let that go no matter how difficult. I'm glad you did not listen to that and persevered. I know what you mean about frienship and co-workers. It is a fine blurred line. To navigate it is trial and error, I think. You have to draw on the strength of good people. We are our own worst critics. Stay true to yourself and have faith you are on the right path. I have to go get ready for work and get the boys going for the day. All my love to my sister, my friend. -Gin
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